Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
That accounts for only three of the penises
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
