I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
