Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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