i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
