So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
