y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
