my sisters under your porch take her home
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
