Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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