you have to choose: penises or morals?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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