mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Don't make out with my wife yet
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize