i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
