Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I wish there were birth control emojis
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
We don't watch enough power rangers
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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