I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
