Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
