People in love make me want to vomit
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
false alarm, still single
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