Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Randomize
