Can i not drive my cunt home
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I'm passing your future prison.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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