Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
