youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
