oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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