He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
