new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize