Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize