I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I want to stick my p in your. b.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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