I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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