Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize