marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
