I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
