im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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