I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
