I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize