you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
birth control should be required to get into college
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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