we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
