I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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