Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
