OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
