Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
