Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
