I skipped work to stalk him.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
