On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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