white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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