you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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