Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
