we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
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