Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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