loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize