Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
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