he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Randomize
