1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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