she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
