The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
