need another drink. this is the easiest way
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize