proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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