was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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