I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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