I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
