My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Randomize
