This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize