your parents love me but you hate me
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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