I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Im part way to drunk.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
