I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You made out with two different species that night
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
