we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
