Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
