yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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