I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Operation Purity has been aborted
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
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