drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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