I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
it's great music for shaving your balls
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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