i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
