She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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