PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
