brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
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