Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
