I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
The best revenge is premature balding
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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