I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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