i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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