woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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