if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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