Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
