She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
