because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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