Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
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