I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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