Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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