You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
