I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
