I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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