Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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