i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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