Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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