What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
