I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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