one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
