overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
So many bounce houses so little time
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
