I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
