you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
