This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
