I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
This toilet bowl is my home.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize