note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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